The Enslaver

Disclaimer:  This is fiction. Madonna did not get kicked out of a movie premier.


              I sat down quickly, and immediately pulled out my cell phone. Leaning over to my buddy, I joked that “man, I hate putting my phone away, what if something important happens on Facebook or Twitter?”

            He just looked at me, and with his eyebrows raised I knew he didn’t get that I was joking.  “Uh, what ever happens on Facebook or Twitter? ‘Joe Smith is gearing up for the weekend.’ That kind of crap doesn’t interest me AT. ALL.” 

            “Dude, I’m kidding. You know I’m just addicted to my phone! I know its stupid.” I laughed again and held the power button down so I wouldn’t be tempted to look during the movie. “12 Years a Slave” was probably not a movie that I would be distracted during anyway. 

“Who do you think will be here at this viewing?” We looked around the theatre at all the people.  Some were sitting, some were just milling around talking to friends. I saw Jason Ritter, J. Alexander from 'America's Next Top Model,' and Michael K. Williams walking towards me. When they sat down in front of us, I chuckled.

“I still get excited seeing ANY celebrity.” My buddy just nodded and shushed me.  A few minutes after the film started, a blond wearing all black snuck into the seat directly in front of me and to the left. Without even looking at the screen, she immediately pulled out a Blackberry and started texting someone. About an hour into the movie, which I hadn’t been able to focus on at all, the lady next to me tapped the blond on the shoulder and asked her to please stop texting. The Blond turned around and hissed at her – literally, like a cat - and did not put her phone away.  The lady got up and walked out of the theatre.

After another few minutes, two theatre employees walked in and directly up to the blonde. They leaned in and very quietly said “Ma’am, please put your phone away.” The blonde ignored them, texting away. “Ma’am if you don’t put your phone away right now, we will be escorting you out of the building.”

The blonde immediately got up and threw her phone at the two men.

            “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” She stomped out of the theatre. As she was leaving she turned and looked right at me. She glared and for one awful second, I was in a death stare with the one and only - Madonna, lace gloves and all.

            When the film was over. I turned on my phone and walked out the door.

            “@madonna texting at premier – kicked out.”

            “OMG did you hear about @madonna getting escorted out of a movie premier?”

            “@madonna officially banned until she apologizes publically to fans.”

            “@madonna shouts “Enslaver” as she is escorted out of the building. Um – overreact much?”