The blazing sun reaches for the tranquil sea
All day he yearns for her yielding embrace
for their brief moments he waits patiently
desiring nothing – but her dark, salty taste.
He begins his descent towards steadfast love
His gaze reflected in infinite beauty
While she mirrors his affection from above
And waits for him – a lover’s constant duty
At last, he touches her with golden kiss
and sinks beneath her crashing waves
to make this moment everlasting – a futile wish
As pink night emerges from blue stained days.
At the break of dawn his quest begins again
Constantly seeking a glimpse of her calm face
The fiery king in cloudy splendor reigns
As he rises warm from their
nocturnal embrace.
Revisions from Class
The sun reaches for the sea
All day he yearns for her embrace
For their moments he waits
Desiring nothing – but her dark, salty taste.
Our day is taken up with things
Our
night is filled with each other
His gaze reflected in infinite beauty
While she mirrors his affection from above
And waits for him – a lover’s constant duty
At last, he touches her with golden kiss
and sinks beneath her
At the break of dawn his quest begins again
He wants to make this moment last
Constantly yearning to glimpse her face
[WU1]Why
do they have to wait? Why do they have to wait to take it to the next level?
[WU2]This
sounds fanciful and like it as a form and a us e of rhyme. But what it is about
– a romantic relationship – kissing? The ideal of love. They’re both so
enamored of each other that they will wait for each other, even all day. They
can’t go any faster or any slower – time is what it is. And they have to be ok
with that/they are and it’s worth it for them. Too much about sex? Not enough
about time?
[WU3]I
like this so you can’t get rid of it nyah
[WU4]Don’t
depend so much on adjectives. If you have a strong noun and you have a strong
verb, you don’t need to depend on nouns and adjectives.
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